Friday, 5 December 2014
The words a mom of one never wants to hear....
I knew this day would come. Cooper hasn't seen her cousins or friends for a few weekends now. She's been sick and away from school and her classmates. Both mom and dad work full time. Basically she is lonely. I am eating dinner one night and she looks at me with those puppy dog eyes that sucker me every time.
"What's up babe? Everything ok?"
"Ya mom I was just thinking.......no, never mind."
"Tell me. You can ask me anything. Say anything to me. Tell me, what's on your mind?"
"No, I already know what you're going to say...."
"Well, I was thinking....I'm kind of really wanting a little brother or sister now."
I almost choked on my food. Immediately I regretted pushing her so hard to share what was on her mind. I instantly shot her down. "No way, not happening."
We've discussed this before. And I thought we were all on the same page. Or maybe I'm just pushing her to be on my page. I started listing all the reasons why we shouldn't and wouldn't have another baby. "Babies are SO much work. All they do is cry. They would have to share your room. You would have to help take care of it. They will get into all of your toys and things you don't want them to touch. You might get upset that you don't get all of the attention all of the time. We can't afford to have another baby, an extra mouth to feed. This is why you have 2 dogs to play with." I came out strong and she just shrugged and said "Ok."
When Cooper was about 1 year old, we shared a house with her cousin, Mia, and they are only a year apart. So they were like sisters. Our families lived together for 4 years until we moved apart which was very difficult for both girls to adjust to. They still are like sisters, but they went from living together to only seeing each other a few times a month. And on top of that, Mia now has a baby sister, Riley. So, I feel that also made Cooper think "why can't I have a sister?"
Some time went by and I started thinking. Am I robbing her of a piece of childhood? All of her friends have siblings. Someone to play with, fight with, grow with. They will have that bond where nothing come between them and they will be the person you can talk to, tell secrets to, and someone you know you can always count on. But at this point Coop is 7, if we were to have a baby, they would be 8 years apart. Can you still have that same bond with such an age gap?
So I decided to invite Mia and her baby sister over for the weekend so Cooper would have someone to play with and so she could get some time in with the baby so she wouldn't feel left out. Everything started out well, everyone is getting along, the girls are all playing nicely together in Coop's room. An hour goes by, and I can hear the girls come down the stairs.
"Mom, can you keep Riley downstairs? She keeps bothering us."
"Riley is only 18 months old. She gets into everything hun, that's what toddlers do."
30 minutes goes by....
"MOM, Riley is grabbing all of my things and putting them in her mouth getting them all slobbery! Can you please take her!"
An hour later Riley gets hungry and the crying comes....
"MOM she won't stop crying and we're trying to watch a movie! I can't hear anything!"
Needless to say, Cooper is used to being able to do what she wants, the way she wants to. We have a pretty quiet home and she's not used to being around a lot of noise. The weekend went by and Coop and Mia spent most of the time locked in her room, away from Riley. We said our goodbyes to her cousins and minutes later Cooper comes to me in the kitchen and says...
"Mom, remember when I asked for a little brother or sister?"
"Well I am so sorry! I totally regret saying that!"
And it hasn't come up again..... =)